Why I abandoned my baby?


Well can I just say- I hopped on here and skimmed through my 3 recent posts and realized one thing, holy boring absence trend. Not only did I notice the constant leave of absence I was taking but the frequency of it practically answered and confirmed the reasoning for this post alone. 

Anyone ever feel like they just need a break? From work, from school, from your child,  from breathing- blinking even? Yeah, me too. I remember trying to light a candle, pour a glass of wine (white zinfandel to be exact), and try to sit in front of my laptop to draft up a post. Not just any post, a good one- a meaty one with no leftovers. Every time I tried though, I just couldn't. Serious case of mental, inspo, blogger block! I felt that everything I put out ended up sounding incredibly mainstream or just simply something I myself would not want to read. So I stopped- since August, I just stopped. 

I took some time away from something I loved to do- writing. Writing has always been my outlet and go to for when I'm really happy, when I'm really down, or when I just have so much on my mind and don't know where to put it- I'd write. I started to feel like this blog, my baby, started taking away from that love and if you know me you know nothing comes between love for me- not now, not ever. So I let it go to see if I'd just find my way back to it- AND. I. DID. 

One day I was sitting in my apartment discussing things I miss: about New York, about my childhood, about forgotten memories and in the midst of the heated conversation I remember saying I just really miss writing. I miss being able to vulnerably express all the emotions I do a great job at covering up to viewers I don't know by first and last name. There's something incredibly intuitive about the art- it brings you closer to yourself all while bringing you closer to the world and its interpretations with just one single act of simplicity: to write.  

Breaks are good, for me it was from this blog. Sometimes they teach us the significance and weight in which a person, place, or thing truly holds in our live + in our hearts.So here I am- with my wine glass poured, my candles lit... writing.


Now lets talk updates, shall we ? The holidays are literally nipping at my nose but I have been on the ball this year. I managed to get all my gift buying done in the first week of December, boy did I think I was supermom till I remembered- CHRISTMAS CARDS. I don't know why I let Christmas pictures get the best of me. I take a million great pictures of Landon a day to the point where he knows how to wait + pose for self timer, I know- totally cool. These cards I always think too much into and envision what the people opening them might think. My expectation has always been for it to bring a smile to the receivers face. Then I really pinched myself and remembered that the only person who is going to save and stare at these for years, talk about it for weeks, and stress about poses and outfits is ME. So even if it was the last week of November or the day before Christmas that I got these done- I did it for ME.  

Rachel LorenaComment